jcm’s blog

Photo: Karin Worley on our visit to London.

So, who is this Karin person and why do I struggle to get over her? Surely there are many more girls out there in this world that I could meet? While it is true that there are many more girls in this world, there is something unique about one girl in particular. I never quite knew what I had, and now I shall forever regret losing her.

I met Karin in 2006, around the time that I moved to the US and for a time I was absolutely the most happy I’ve ever been in my life. It’s hard to describe, but Karin brought out the best in me, and I would have literally done anything for her. Nothing else really seemed to matter, so long as she was in my life. But then, she wasn’t. Without so much as a reason, she left my apartment one Sunday afternoon and I never saw her again. I tried almost everything to get her back in my life, but that only seemed to make things worse. Not desperation so much as being that in love.

This lead to Project Brave New Jon. Brave New Jon (BNJ) is the largest self-reinvention exercise I have ever undertaken (or seen anyone else undertake for that matter). Sure I lost 60lbs, went from a size 38 to a 29, and replaced my entire wardrobe, but that was just for starters. I also took up hiking (and hiked the Grand Canyon in a day), sailing, running, climbing, cycling, surfing, learned to drive (and bought a silly convertible), travelled thousands of miles all over the country (and spend some time literally alone in the middle of the desert), became a full-blown vegetarian, and much, much more. I changed everything about myself.

I completely re-invented myself over this girl with the goal of being both a better person, but also hoped that she might then reconsider whatever her reason was for leaving me. The latter never came true, although I still think about her all the time. I’ve never loved someone as much as Karin, and I perhaps never will. I wish her nothing but the best in her life, I just wish it could have me in it. Corny as it sounds, that’s really all I want in life, and the one thing I probably will never have.

So there you have it, that’s what bothers me all the time.

Jon.