jcm’s blog

Photo: Thin Jon at Harvard University.

So I guess there’s nothing quite like a photo to show just how much I’ve changed over the last few years - from fat Jon to thin Jon (and there’s no going back now) - this year in particular, and it continues.

Brave New Jon started out as a giant pining exercise (and continues as such), an attempt at self distraction, and a way to do something about her. If you ever wondered why I’ve done all of the crazy things that I have this year, well, don’t wonder, the answer is somewhat obvious. I don’t think I’ll ever quite get over Karin (not having a reason really helps to cut you up inside), but life certainly does seem to move on, whether you always want it to or not.

Fat Jon existed for way too long. A combination of lack of interest in exercise, spending too much time in front of a computer eating junk food, being a meat eater, and trying all the most disgustingly good foods when traveling. To show you what I mean, here’s a historical photo of me at the Computer History Museum, taken back in 2005:

Photo: Fat Jon, at the Computer History Museum.

Since then, I’ve given up meat (I’m a pescetarian, with a slant toward fruitarianism), taken up exercise, changed in countless other ways beyond that person. I don’t even live in the same country any more (though the photos are all taken in the United States, where I used to spend most of my spare time anyway).

Here is a photo taken last weekend:

Photo: Thin Jon at Nantasket Beach.

One thing I thank her for is forcing me to finally do this.

Jon.

So I’m overdue for a random blog posting, in case anyone cares about what’s going on in my life. Read on for a summary of my latest visitors’ trips, what I did over Thanksgiving, whether I’m still heartbroken, and other stuff.

The past month has seen various visitors to these parts. Mostly European in nature (and with the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party coming up on the 16th of next month, who can blame them?), and all very welcome to stay here any time. First up, there was Paul (Sladen), who randomly turned up in his customary fashion, in need of a place to crash. Paul, you’re the nicest guy in the world, but there’s a reason we don’t tell you where we live these days, and of course, you know where I am now

Paul enjoyed my “wanker car” (the doctored photos he’s published in which my exhausts are twice the size, I’m parked in a disabled bay, and the plate reads “WANKER”, instead of my usual vanity plate, demonstrate a hidden artistic talent seeking an outlet - you’re still missing an oversized Star Spangled Banner on my antenna, though, dude), and I drove randomly to the beach one night at around midnight with him in the car, stopping to get Dunkin Donuts on the way. Not that I eat any of that stuff now, and I’m long since not the “fat bastard” I might have been labeled in the past. Paul’s playing catch up on that front, especially with all of those American deserts.

Photo: Jonathan Riddell, in my “wanker car”.

Jonathan Riddell was my next visitor. We caught up on life, the universe, and other stuff, wondered around town (and actually managed to get lost briefly somewhere on Beacon Hill), went shopping for PC stuff at prices insanely lower than anyone visiting from the UK will be accustomed to, and took some random drives around the local region for good measure. I also serve as a convenient taxi service to visiting hackers en route to Logan - not that I noticed him leaving behind his executive washroom Canonical-have-free-airport-lounge-use card for me to look after. Maybe it’s hiding somewhere on my couch though.

Photo: Jon Masters and Dan, at Harvard University.

Photo: Dan, at the USS Constitution

Photo: Dan, in Plymouth

To top off the triple visits in a month, my friend and old college buddy Dan came to visit for 10 days too. We did the typical touristy experiment, along the same lines as the trip my Dad and Gran had made previously, but with some twists. For example, we probably did a fair bit more drinking than I seem to recall doing with my Gran Let’s see…Dan got in on the Thursday night before Thanksgiving. We did a bunch of local things (went to see the USS Constitution, Bunker Hill, Faneuil Hall, The Mayflower II replica in Plymouth - the staff there recognize me now, Sunset Bar and Grille, various random movies), but then I took the day before Thanksgiving off so we could head down to NYC. We’d planned on going down to D.C. too, but neither of us really felt like it, and both of us had colds by then. It didn’t really matter though, because there wouldn’t really have been time. I *need* to go down to see the Declaration of Independence soon anyway.

Photo: Jon Masters and Dan, in Connecticut

We drove down to Connecticut on Tuesday night. Yes, I do mean Stamford, but this was purely for logistical purposes - it’s easy to get to NYC on the MTA, it’s the first stop on the express train, etc. (we carefully avoided going anywhere my ex-girlfriend was likely to be, so as to not bother her over Thanksgiving). Stayed there Tuesday and Wednesday nights, taking the train into New York Wednesday and Thursday, and caught the tail end of the Parade. Dan enjoyed being in New York again - it’s changed a bit since last century. Heck, I missed New York, and it’s only been a few weeks since I was last down there. I suppose I should go down more often when I need to cheer myself up with culture - Boston is wonderfully civilized, but lacks some things found only in NYC.

Photo: A view of downtown Manhattan, from the Empire State Building.

I usually avoid going to Ground Zero. It upsets me deeply to think of this country being hurt like that (that was one of the reasons I finally decided I must move here, and I was standing at ground zero at the time I made that decision too). And every time I go down there I feel strangely moved. I don’t take photos of ground zero itself - I find it abhorrent that tourists do this, especially the happy smiley photos - but I did, after some consideration, finally take a photo with the WTC site in the distance, for a contrasting view of the urban lower Manhattan landscape. We went and took some photos of the NYSE, Wall St., and other such things. I missed out on going to Central Park, but I’ll need to head down before the New Year anyway, so I can go ice skating properly.

Photo: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, 2007.

We ate at Roxy’s, Ruby Tuesday, and any other places I thought Dan should “experience” while in the States, and specifically, while we were down in New York. We took a stroll along Battary Park, and I suggested a detour over to Jersey, for the view. We were just outside the Wiley offices (one of my publishers), which really do have a lovely view of Manhattan from across the Hudson. Driving wasn’t as painful as I had anticipated that it would be over the holidays - we likely had more traffic on Black Friday, when we went down to the Premium Outlets. I shop in Banana Republic a bit too much, it would seem, since the staff recognize me. A side-effect of having to change my wardrobe so many times this year. I can do fashion. I bought some shoes in Clarks. Amusing.

Photo: An MBTA red-line “T” train crossing the River Charles from Cambridge into Boston.

Photo: Dan and Jon Masters, at the Old Colonial Inn, in Concord, having afternoon tea.

Dan flew out on Saturday, after we made one final trip, to Concord, for tea at the Old Colonial Inn, and to see the Old North Bridge. I’ve been there many many times by now, and Concord is always somewhere I like to show British visitors - it’s very peaceful and quaint, and historically important. Besides, there are some great little coffee shops and the food at the ‘Inn can’t really be beaten. I hope to spend some quality time up there over the winter with a warm drink, and one of the many books I’m reading at the moment on US history, legal history, and just anything to do with that Revolutionary Period in general. On a side note, my latest test machines in the office - theterrible, and kingofprussia, are continuing my naming convention of using ships Thomas Paine sailed on. My desktop is called LondonPacket, the name of the ship he finally emigrated in.

I’m a size small. Finally. I’m not the extra large person you might remember, if you haven’t seen me recently. I’m around 160lbs now, a size small, and could actually fit into a pair of 29″ jeans, if Banana actually stocked those in store. I don’t plan on withering away, so I won’t go down much more, but I am likely to hit 150lbs if I possibly can manage it. I call that a positive side effect of being semi-permanently broken hearted, which I finally gave in and admitted to feeling. I’ve tried dating other girls this year, and had recently met a very interesting lawyer too, but I have now finally realized that I’m just not over Ms. K. I have no idea how long it’ll take to get over her, or if it’s actually going to even be possible, but at least I accept it now. And that’s strangely calming too.

This year has been punctuated with absolute craziness. I think I’ll try calming down a little over the Christmas break, well, maybe. I’ve decided to spend Christmas largely miserable and alone, but it’s something I need to do. I might well end up in Woodstock, Vermont at this rate (I was there last year, but those were happier times), just to upset myself some more, but sometimes it’s good to be in touch with one’s emotions. There’s no need to try to cheer me up, because you can’t. I’m not depressed - depression is unexplained unhappiness, whereas I know precisely why I feel sad, lonely, and upset. She meant the world to me, still does, and I don’t mind accepting that finally.

Jon.

Photo: Jon Masters (left), at Kiskadee, in Plymouth, MA.

So contrary to how it may seem, fall is actually my favorite time of year. You get to dress up warm, appreciate the warmth of being inside, and wonder around at night, drinking tea, reflecting upon the world at large.

Tonight, like many nights, I’m going for a stroll into Boston, along the river, my playlist reflecting my mood at the time (suffice it to say that I have Roxette, Phil Collins, and Journey on this one - oh and Timbaland, randomly). It’s getting a little cold to go to the beach, though I managed it the other night - it was freezing cold, and high tide, however I felt better for a stroll along the beach nonetheless.

I finished an article last night, and I guess I’ll finish up some debugging later on tonight. Part of me longs for California, another part of me resists.

Jon.

Photo: Jon Masters, at the Massachusetts State House.

So it’s been a random few weeks. Fosscamp and UDS have come and gone, the Europeans have left Cambridge, and I’ve been debating some more about what I really want to do with my life in the longer term.

In terms of productivity, and aside from regular work stuff, I’ve spent quite a bit of time playing with KVM lately. I’m tracking OpenSuSE’s Factory releases, as well as Ubuntu Hardy (which just blew up again, not surprising - it’s pre-alpha at this point - so about as likely to install as rawhide right after the last major release). I went down to Plymouth a few times, and talked to Martin Pitt about restricted-manager and my goals of getting a modified version into Fedora. Not for binary drivers so much as handling out-of-tree drivers (”kmods”) in a sensible fashion, for the willing, i.e. probably make it entirely optional in the beginning.

Finally got a test box setup and started making an effort to read more upstream mail on a daily basis - I’m trying to keep on top of LKML properly, because I want to establish more of a presence there. Once I have some time over Christmas, I plan to take on fixing a few miscellaneous drivers, in addition to the work I’m doing on e.g. the LSI Megaraid driver under the -RT kernel at the moment. I don’t contribute enough, when really I am more than able to and I should try harder to do so on upstream projects. Helps win greater respect in the longer run.

I’ve been doing a lot of random stuff lately. I guess it’s not so much the gut wrenching loneliness of being single (while simultaneously surrounded by some great friends nonetheless) as the realization that I have more interests than I have time to pursue. I’m playing the violin, but interested in the piano and guitar. I’m reading legal histories of the US and UK, but wanting to spend time on engineering math (fourier transforms and the like), and I’ve still got a book to finish, another to get started, and articles to write.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I’ll be 26. If you really must send me something, I’ve started keeping a few books in my various wishlists. I’m planning on spending my birthday alone in quiet contemplation, much like I am currently planning on spending Christmas (if I’m honest about it, I just can’t bring myself to go to the UK…it’s nothing personal against family and friends) - I’m just not sure where the latter will be. What I really want to do is just take off for that week and head somewhere completely random, in the middle of nowhere, on my own.

Apologies for the depressing tone of this blog. I don’t mean to sound depressing, it’s just that this year has felt like the worst of my life. Last year was fantastic, but this year was ruined early on, and hasn’t fully recovered even now. And no amount of buying silly cars or drinking coffee to excess can really make up for that. I don’t feel bitter, I just see friends and family around me doing the happy couple thing and wonder to myself if it’ll ever get to be my turn. I don’t need to settle down tomorrow, I just want to meet someone who really understands the real me. The one who’s still awake at 5am, thinking about it.

Anyway. What do you want to be when you grow up? I have no idea

Jon.

So, it’s been a while since I wrote an update on project Brave New Jon. I thought I might share some news about my diet, since I’m not sleeping at 5am in the morning and can only read NDBC raw buoy data for so long, after long since giving up on the counting of sheep.

Firstly, project Brave New Jon is not dead, but has merely transitioned into a longer term sustaining role now that I am done with its initial raison d’etre - it started out as a giant pining exercise, the most elaborate and ridiculous that I’ve ever managed, all over a girl (as many things are). People who know me well know that I was almost indescribably upset, serving as an impetus to do such things as learning to drive in the US within a week, taking up surfing, spending many consecutive weekends traveling to remote parts of California to be alone, that kind of thing. Oh, and buying a car. I’m most grateful to her for that final point - I wouldn’t have blown so much on a car otherwise[0].

Anyway. History lesson done, and I’ve been keeping my diet going. I am now 45 lbs lighter than I was in March (I gained a little, briefly, over the summer through excessive consumption of nuts), and have just 15 lbs to go - just over a stone (an antiquated and pointless unit of weight used by the British, and the source of the pun used in the title, in case you enjoy having the punch line explained). I am specifically aiming to be exactly 6lbs under my ideal weight, briefly, so that I can be technically referred to as “that thin guy”, at least technically. I am achieving this without starving myself, purely through carefully contrived controls and sheer willpower - I haven’t eaten any cheese, desert, chocolate, or anything remotely unhealthy since March. I ensure that I have 100% of my RDA values of all vitamins, minerals, protein, etc. but I eat mostly salads, soups, and lighter meals. Being semi-vegetarian certainly helps (technically, I’m a pescetarian, since I eat fish/sea food). It feels good.

Longer term, I’m shooting for exactly 11 stone, or 154lbs. This is on the lower end of my ideal weight, but we all know what happens when we let life intercede with our diets…so I expect a little hysteresis to occur as an alternative to constant hunting iteration[1]. When I said I was no longer the person I used to be - I literally meant what I said. I’ve been the fat geek type, I’ve been the not so fat geek type, and now I’m interested in being the geek with a six pack. Or at least look good in my wet suit. I’m under a 30″ waist at this point.

Facebook readers can follow along with My Diet updates.

Jon.

[0] Don’t ask. It makes the $3,400 I pay each year for auto insurance look pretty good. But it does afford me the ability to randomly drive up to Salem in the middle of the night, like I did last night, for no reason.

[1]. I’m bored. It’s 5am, and I just spent an hour reading through the most dry and boring technical material NOAA and NDBC have to offer, and still couldn’t fall asleep. So, forgive me, that’s an electronics joke, he says, yet again explaining the source of his jokes. Electronic systems frequently make use of hysteresis levels to avoid hunting between various bounded values. You rely on this principle all the time.

Photo: Tan leather interior.

So it’s been three months since I bought the MX-5, and I figured it was about time I wrote some kind of review of my experience thus far.

I might aswell come right out and admit that I love this vehicle. People say a lot of things about the MX-5, Miata, or whatever you want to call it (officially, it’s a Miata MX-5 in North America now, was originally the Miata NA, was an MX-5 in parts of Europe…and had lots of other combinations before Mazda standardized them on a global basis for the new 2006 model that I have…a complete redesign over all of the ones that came before. Largely identical to the 2007/2008 model), but my opinion is that there’s no better bang-for-buck sportscar on the market that even comes close. It drives like a dream, handles superbly well, is reasonably economical on gas…oh, and it has enough cup holders for even the most hardened of coffee drinkers.

Photo: Silly vanity plate.

I bought my MX-5 in July as a pining exercise. I was dealing with a breakup, and needed to cheer myself up with some kind of expensive, highly impulsive purchase. I’d already tried regular retail remedies (heck, I got my US license within a week of having said breakup as a means to get the heck out of Cambridge and drive completely randomly in remote desserts of California…I was perhaps, just a little bit upset), but they didn’t quite cut it, on any level whatsoever. So I went shopping one Saturday afternoon. I looked on a certain high profile automobile trading website, found a few local dealers, and got a rental car to drive up to Lynn in. Atlantic weren’t the first place that I went to, and I’m not sure they’re the best dealer (not too bad), however they did have a couple of under one year old MX-5s sitting in their lot.

Photo: Hats not included.

I took a regular Miata for a test drive (I’d driven automatic versions thereof, but not the manual), then the 6-speed GT model. Although the regular Miata was a very nice car, it’s nothing like the GT. That thing kicks some ass. The regular, 5 speed model just lacks power, whereas the 6-speed model weighs practically nothing, and packs enough power to make driving fun (zoom zoom!), without going nuts. Sure, if it’s different if there’s a second person in the car with me - you can feel the difference - but I tend to drive alone these days anyway I spent an hour test driving two MX-5s, having driven around remote regions of California in several rental Miatas just weeks earlier, then spent several more hours negotiating terms with the dealer, before I finally signed on the spot. I’ve never done anything quite like that…but I was in the right mood to waste a lot of money cheering myself up at the time!

Photo: Grandmother supplied separately.

Probably the most embarassing problem I’ve had with the car so far is not being able to start it. I’ve never owned a North American manual car before - and had never driven a left-hand-drive manual before I took the test drives (learning on the spot like that is kind of fun) - so I didn’t know that you need to depress the clutch in order to start it. It’s a hysterical safety thing, since they don’t bother to teach people how to drive properly here (always start it in neutral), but I didn’t know about that when I was sitting at the dealer in my new car, unable to start it, growing redder in the face every second. Kind of minor in comparison with the two times I’ve managed to have the battery drained (the Xenon headlights drain the battery extremely quickly when on). Yes, you may laugh, indeed.

The driving experience in this thing is awesome. It’s tiny, very nimble, and handles very well. It is, however, also a rear-wheel-drive vehicle, and so one does have to exercise a little restraint during inclement weather…and we get more than enough incemental weather in New England during the winter (this probably means that I won’t drive into the office if it’s snowing…at all). On the whole though, aside from learning about hydroplaning one afternoon during a torrential rain storm, I find it more than acceptable. This thing can actually turn - you know, when the wheels move, and you physically go around a corner - unlike many of the “American” cars on the market nobody wants to buy. Ever wander why US car makers are doing so badly? (oh, and, random example, the Mustang is a giant joke in comparison, and no cheaper…horrible use of plastic all over the place). Hint: the Japanese make better cars. It’s got far less to do with Union issues and trying to cut people’s wages/benefits than quality ones.

Photo: Morning constitutional distraction.

By far the biggest problem so far has been other drivers. Massachusetts drivers are some of the worst that I’ve seen - and I’ve been to India, and Italy (so I’ve seen extremely bad driving examples more than enough times). They don’t signal. They don’t have *any* patience. And they don’t like to think, in general, for longer than they possibly have to in case it hurts. Actually, scratch that comment about signalling - they don’t *want* to signal. It’s a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you might be thinking about other people and, just possibly, considering not having an accident. Clearly it’s all too much for drivers around here - who’ve only had to deal with a pathetic 9 minute driving test in some cases (like my test) - to handle. This is one of the many reasons why I don’t like to drive *in* Cambridge or Boston. It helps inspire me to walk more.

I’ll add more comments as I discover them, but in general, I would highly recommend this vehicle. I wholeheartedly agree with Mazda…

Zoom Zoom!

Jon.

So, I wanted to take a moment to apologize to all of my friends for being a little recluse over the summer. I had a lot on my mind, but things are changing now. I am trying to get my life back on track.

I realize now that I was severely upset for months, way more than I really let on. Not entirely over a girl - though she definitely discovered the final straw that broke the camel’s back. The best place to stab that knife in, if you prefer that metaphor instead. It’s just weird how much I let myself get throughly miserable inside, let my book schedule slip again, had to cancel various other activities, and was just generally a pain in the ass to be around for a while. That’s not actually me…I guess stress does that. And I had no idea just how much I had stressed out. So sorry everyone. I feel much better now! And it’s my favorite time of year again, too

Moving country actually takes a lot more out of you than you realize…you’d only really know what I mean if you’d done it for yourself. It’s the little things that do it - I love my life here, but in some ways it’s taken a year to get to a point where I can actually sit down and breathe again. I’ll have a little gathering at some point in the next few weeks to celebrate a year in the US…when I get around to organizing it.

Jon.